The Goal and Method of Parental Discipline

goal-method-parental-discipline

I’m teaching a marriage class at church and I opened the floor for participants to ask me any of their marriage and family related questions. And, they submitted some excellent questions. This week’s question has to do with raising kids:

How can you discipline your children in a godly way?

This is a fantastic question because one of the main purposes of parenting is to guide the next generation in the right direction. If you’ve been a parent more than a couple of years, you realize that a big part of that responsibility comes down to being an effective disciplinarian. If you’re anything like me, however, you’ve probably struggled to find wisdom and wrestled with your own strengths and weaknesses in this area.

Let’s talk about the goals and methods of parental discipline.

The goal of parental discipline

To observe a lot of parents and to read a lot of the experts, you get the sense that the primary goal of parental discipline is to produce children who are compliant and controlled, whose outward behavior is civilized and appropriate.

If we’re being honest, isn’t perception management the bottom line for most parental discipline? We want people to think highly of us. And, nothing says, “This couple has their act together!” quite like having well-behaved kids. Right? Think about your own efforts to discipline your kids. Aren’t many of the corrective actions you take primarily driven by your desire to avoid social embarrassment on one extreme or to solidify your reputation as an all-star parent on the other extreme?

Let’s take it a step further. If you’re a Christian parent, this will be especially relevant for you.

Most discipline is focused on external compliance but is woefully inadequate at reaching the heart. A parent can make his child sit up straight, be polite, speak when spoken to, and do the right things. But, discipline aimed at external conformity, in reality, only teaches kids to be hypocrites. It teaches them to be good on the outside but leaves their hearts untouched.

So, back to the question. What is the goal of parental discipline? If we’re going to understand the goal of parental discipline, it makes sense to look to our heavenly Father:

“We have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it,” ([biblegateway passage=”Hebrews 12:9-11″]).

The goal of discipline is hidden right there in the word itself: disciple. When our heavenly Father disciplines us it’s for our good. It is always to help us share in his holiness. It produces a harvest of right living. It is transformative.

Transformation is the goal of God’s discipline in our lives. That should be the goal of parental discipline as well.

As parents, we don’t want to produce little hypocrites, people who behave well on the outside in spite of their poor inner character. We want to partner with God in the process of making disciples, young men and women who behave well externally because they’re being transformed internally.

The method of parental discipline

If it’s our goal to partner with God to raise little people who have his heart, how do we do it? There are hundreds of parenting philosophies and self-proclaimed experts out there who, for the price of a book, can teach you all about how to get compliant kids. There is some decent stuff out there—and some really bad stuff, too—but we know that. There are relatively few that will equip and inspire you to partner with God in transforming your kids hearts. But, before recommending resources, it’s important to look back to God for our cues.

It’s difficult to pick out one chapter and verse that prescribes God’s way of disciplining us, his children. That’s OK. To understand how God disciplines us, you have to look at the whole arch of Scripture:

  • God disciplines in the context of his loving, unbreakable relationship with us. Without a loving relationship with our kids, discipline can only be punitive and can never reach the heart.
  • God’s disciplinary acts are firm, never abusive; fair and just, never arbitrary; merciful, never spiteful; patient, never impulsive; and redemptive and restorative, never reactive or manipulative. We must aim to emulate his kind, steady, and loving approach toward our kids.
  • God disciplines with the long-term goal in mind. He patiently, repeatedly, and persistently forgives, extends grace, and embraces us. We must parent for the long haul, always willing to extend the same kind of grace we have received from him.
  • God sacrifices himself—even to the extreme—for the sake of his children. We must stop parenting for ourselves and remember that partnering with God to help transform our kids’ hearts will require great work and sacrifice on our part. But, it’s worth it.

The best parenting method and resource is the whole of the Bible narrative. A thorough knowledge and experience of God’s grace is essential if we intend to raise our kids well. All of the other best resources I know are based upon the Bible. Therefore, they contain some really helpful wisdom for parents.

This post was fairly theoretical, I know. If you were looking for practical stuff, I’m sorry to disappoint. However, before we move on, it’s so important to establish the foundation. Come back next week and I’ll share four tips for parental discipline.

Discussion questions

  1. As a parent, how has your discipline focused on outward compliance while neglecting inner transformation?
  2. Reflect upon Hebrews 12:9-11. What are some of the ways God has disciplined you throughout your life? What has his discipline produced in you?
  3. What are two or three practical ways you can give grace to your kids?

Mutual Submission and Marriage

mutual-submission-and-marriage

I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. I had been hoping for later. But it took place right out of the gate. On the very first week of a six-week marriage class, someone asked me about the dreaded S-word.

How do we understand submission given the social norms we see today?

So much for starting off with an easy question. This question gets right at the heart of the biblical understanding of marriage. Even though it’s a tough question, it makes sense to begin here.

You have to read and understand [biblegateway passage=”Ephesians 5:21-33″ display=”Ephesians 5:21-33″]. In these 13 verses, Paul paints a picture of the mystery, beauty, and meaning of Christian marriage. And, yes, submission is a big factor. Before we answer the question, let’s examine this text. I’m going to do something a little unorthodox, however, and I’m going to work backward. You’ll understand why in a bit.

A husband’s self-sacrificing love

The foundation of Christian marriage, and the ultimate reality to which Christian marriage points, is Jesus’ self-sacrificing love for the Church, his bride. Paul says that Jesus’ love for the Church is the model.

Notice the preposition as in [biblegateway passage=”Ephesians 5:25″ display=”verse 25″]. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church: in the same way, with the same persistence, with the same purity, with the same affection, with the same patience, and with the same fidelity. Christian husbands ought to love their wives to the extent that they’d be willing to sacrifice even their own lives for their wives’ protection, purity, holiness, and salvation.

Christian husbands are to love their wives and to give themselves up for them in the same way Christ loved the Church. Let that sink in.

A wife’s respectful love

So many people are tripped up by Paul’s command to women in [biblegateway passage=”Ephesians 5:22-24″ display=”verses 22-24″]. Yes, he does require Christian wives to submit to their husbands in the same way they submit to the Lord. But, that’s not all. Buried at the end of this text, in the second half of [biblegateway passage=”Ephesians 5:33″ display=”verse 33″], Paul summarizes his thoughts by saying that Christian wives ought to respect their husbands.

The fact that Christian wives respect and submit to their husbands’ Christ-like, self-sacrificing love and leadership does not mean that they are silent, that they sacrifice their opinions, that they negate their own rights, that they don’t bring every strength they possesses into the relationships, or that they are a weak, fragile, or lesser people. On the contrary, they demonstrate their ultimate faith in Christ by actively supporting, respecting, and loving the husbands God gave them.

Christian wives who have mastered the art of respecting their husbands will find that they are active partners with God in helping their husbands become the type of men they ought to be.

Understanding submission

Now that we understand the type of love Christian husbands and wives are to have for one another we can talk some more about submission. Here’s the most important thing to understand:

In marriage, submission is not a one-way street.

Paul begins this text with the [biblegateway passage=”Ephesians 5:21″ display=”clear command”] for husbands and wives to submit to one another. Why? What’s the motivation? Reverence for Christ.

The fact that Paul, after commanding husbands and wives to submit to one another, pivots toward wives and tells them to submit to their husbands does not negate the man’s responsibility to submit himself to his wife through self-sacrificing acts of love. It illustrates the woman’s responsibility to edify her husband through acts of respectful love.

The willingness to submit to one another—out of reverence and following the example of Christ—is a sign that a husband and wife are humble, deeply bonded, affectionate, kind, and growing in godly character. It is an essential element of a lasting marriage.

As a side note: don’t forget, Jesus submitted himself to the will of his Father. Did his submission diminish his worth as a member of the Trinity? Did the fact that he dedicated himself to the will of the Father somehow make him less, decrease his divine identity, or make him weak? Absolutely not!

Standing out from the crowd

I haven’t forgotten. An important part of the original question dealt with social norms. I haven’t mentioned social norms yet simply because, first and foremost, we have to clearly understand how to believe and behave as Christians. That means we must be transformed by the Spirit’s working through the Word before we are conformed to the whims and will of our culture.

Don’t miss this: Mutual submission, respectful, and self-sacrifice are deeply counter-cultural. They run against the grain of both the society around us and the sin within us.

And, that shouldn’t be a surprise.

God is calling us deeper. He wants to transform us. In his wisdom, he gave us the gift of the institution of marriage to be a primary driver in that life-long transformation process.

Lest we gaze too longingly at society, wondering if we’d be better off if we more closely resembled culture’s norms, remember that the world has yet to offer a better, less damaging, more honoring alternative to life-long, monogamous, respectful, self-sacrificing, mutually submissive, Christian marriage.

Discussion questions

Take a few minutes to reflect on these questions. And, feel free to leave a comment or continue the discussion below.

  1. What are some ways the biblical ideal of Christian marriage are superior to the typical way our world views marriage?
  2. Husbands, how are you impacted by Paul’s command to love your wives as Christ loved the Church, showing self-sacrificing love? What do you need to do in order to grow in this?
  3. Wives, how are you impacted by Paul’s command to submit to your husbands in the same way you submit to the Lord, showing respectful love? What do you need to do in order to grow in this?

How to Forgive Someone Who Hasn’t Asked

how-to-forgive

Have you ever sensed the need to forgive someone who has harmed you? Forgiveness is easier when they apologize. But, what if they’re oblivious or unrepentant?

Lately, I’ve done some thinking and praying about how to forgive someone who hasn’t asked. Before we get to that, we have to be clear about why we would consider forgiveness in the first place.

Why forgive?

In the wake of being wronged, forgiveness is the last thing most people consider. We don’t want to sacrifice the sense of justice and control we receive from the anger we harbor and we don’t want to make ourselves vulnerable or weak all over again.

There are many who scoff at the idea of forgiveness. But, as a Christian, it has to be different for me. So, why forgive. I can think of three reasons.

1. We forgive to avoid the sin of hatred.

Immediately after saying that [biblegateway passage=”Matthew 5:3-11″ display=”God blesses”] the merciful, the meek, and those who make peace, Jesus talks about the corrosive nature of hatred and how, ultimately, it’s [biblegateway passage=”Matthew 5:21-22″ display=”equivalent to murder”]. We must not harbor or nurture resentment, anger, and unforgiveness. It imprisons us. If we are to be the kind of people God wants us to be, we must resist the gravitational pull of hatred and choose to forgive. To condemn, to keep a record of wrongs, to harbor resentment, and to loathe someone is contrary to [biblegateway passage=”Matthew 22:36-40″ display=”God’s will for us”].

2. We forgive to follow Jesus’ example.

Jesus never sinned. He never broke the law. He blessed, healed, taught, and loved. But, he experienced the jealousy of the religious leaders, the betrayal of his closest friends, and the brutality of the Romans. And, he went to the cross. This is stunning: his last breaths weren’t used to plead his case or to curse his murderers; in his final breaths [biblegateway passage=”Luke 23:33-34″ display=”he asked God to forgive”]. And he asks me to follow him.

3. We forgive because we’re forgiven.

I have wronged God too many times to count. But, because of his mercy, grace, and love, and because of Jesus, I have been forgiven. And, if you’re a believer, you have received the same. We choose to be [biblegateway passage=”Colossians 3:12-14″ display=”the kind of people who forgive”] because we’ve been forgiven.

Now that we know why forgiveness is on the table—and why Christians ought to pursue it—we can consider our question.

How do you forgive someone who hasn’t asked?

In the midst of a recent conversation about a fellow believer who mistreated me in the past, Kelly asked me, “Could you sit next to that person and take communion together?” After a flash of defensiveness surged through me, I had to admit to my insightful wife that I could not. This person hasn’t asked for forgiveness. As far as I know, this person has no sense of wrongdoing or responsibility. This person is someone I have very little chance of seeing again. However, if I am to genuinely live my faith, it is incumbent upon me to forgive.

So, here’s the process I’m allowing the Spirit to lead me through by God’s grace. It’s what I’d recommend to you if you have a wrong to forgive.

1. Understand how you have been wronged.

Your mind, like mine, has a way of either maximizing or minimizing traumatic events. Therefore, it’s vital to be clear about what happened. Pray through the situation. What led up to it? What was the sequence of events? What was said or done? Write it down on a list or in a journal. Be comprehensive. Refuse to gloss things over or to reason away. You were hurt. Understand it for what it is. (And, this is a great time to own your personal responsibility for what happened, even if it’s ever so small.)

2. Pray for healing.

Once you’ve acknowledged precisely how you have been hurt and have felt the weight of it, you’re ready to allow God to heal it. The process may take ages; it may happen piece-by-piece, layer-by-layer. Or it might be instantaneous. That’s not the point. The point is that God is the only one who can remove it. And he will.

3. Eliminate residual hatred.

Your healing won’t be complete as long as you’re harboring one shred of hatred, resentment, or condemnation. If hate isn’t removed, it grows. Pray about it. Journal about it. Confess it to a friend (without gossiping). Do whatever you need to do to get rid of it.

4. Release the offender’s debt.

Finally, there will come a time when you must release the debt that your offender owes. They may never understand that they’ve hurt you. They may think you’re foolish. No matter. If they refuse to exit the prison you’ve unlocked, that is up to them. The point is that you’re no longer the one keeping them there.

For a myriad of reasons, it might not be advisable—or even safe—to communicate your forgiveness to your offender. That’s OK. You can offer forgiveness without personal contact. Write a letter and burn it on the fireplace. Head out into the woods and voice your forgiveness to the foliage. Give it a voice and walk away.

In instances, it might be necessary to communicate forgiveness face-to-face or in a letter. If you have that chance, be prayerful, humble, merciful, and honest. State the ways in which you were wronged, share about your journey toward forgiveness, and utter these three words: “I forgive you.” Then, walk away from what you’ve dropped and refuse to pick it up again.

5. If possible, seek reconciliation.

If it’s not safe to contact your offender, your journey is complete. But if reconciliation is a possibility, leave the door open and embrace it if it comes. A reconciled relationship is a beautiful picture of the Gospel. If you can sit beside that person one day and commune together once more, what a wonderful thing that would be.

I’ll let this disclaimer be my final word on the topic of reconciliation: Reconcile with care. Your brave act of forgiveness doesn’t require you to make yourself vulnerable to becoming a victim again. It’s OK if the relationship has to change or if you have to be careful to abide by wisely placed boundaries.

What about you?

Are you holding someone in your debt? Do you need to offer forgiveness?

Fighting for the Heart

fighting-for-the-heart

I had only been in full-time ministry for four months when I attended a conference in Atlanta with friends. One of the first speakers preached a sermon that fueled my ministry in those early years.

God had used him to transform a dying church into a vibrant community of belief that was, and still is, on the cutting edge. But, it wasn’t an easy process. He described the period of time at which he and his leadership team were at the lowest of lows. The vision they had been communicating had fallen flat. Many of the people they were attempting to love and bring along with them were leaving. They had experienced several other gut blows that left them gasping for air and wondering if God was done with the church they were so desperately trying to bring back to life.

He spoke of his ministry as heart surgery. He framed himself as the surgeon and the church as the patient. I remember him saying, “I decided that I would either save the patient or I would die in the operation!”

His passion, and that sticky metaphor, have remained in my heart and mind for the past 15 years.

Fighting for the heart of the church

It’s not always easy.

The other day, I met with a friend who has suffered a huge amount of hurt during his time serving in ministry. Things have been so painful that he’s no longer serving in the church. It has gotten to the point at which he’d rather mow the lawn on Sunday; it’s just too difficult to go there for him and his family.

My heart goes out to him.

The church is far from perfect. Sometimes people get hurt, overlooked, moved to the margins, or forgotten. It’s regrettable. Many times, it’s avoidable. But, the fact remains, there is no perfect church and sinful people, as they’re prone to do, will sometimes disappoint.

The church needs leaders who know all about her blemishes—leaders who might have even been hurt by her in the past—to determine to remain in the operation, to keep fighting for the heart of the church. The church needs brave, godly, committed men and women who refuse to get caught up in petty problems, turf wars, and politics so they can focus on fighting for things that matter: bringing lost souls to Christ, nurturing young believers in the faith, preaching and teaching God’s truth, binding up the hurting, restoring the broken, and transforming communities. It’s not always going to be easy. But, it’s necessary.

Isn’t she worth fighting for?

As I talked with my friend, I reflected upon some of the difficulties I’ve experienced in the church. I’ll admit, there have been times where it was tempting—and would have been easy—to walk away. I’ve considered it seriously. But, by God’s grace, he keeps drawing me back, reminding me how much he loves the church, and encouraging me to keep going.

She may not be perfect. But, she is still worth fighting for.

I’m either going to save the patient or I’ll die in the operation!

What about you?

Are you fighting for the heart of the church? Have you given up? What keeps you committed? I’d love to hear from you.

Reflections on the RFRA Ruckus

reflections-rfra-ruckus

I know it’s been a few weeks since this issue took over the news cycle, social media, and the blogosphere. I’m tardy to the party. But, in contrast to virtually all of the loudest voices that have weighed in on the issue, perhaps that qualifies me to say something of substance.

Four things I believe

Here are a few of my own random reflections on the RFRA ruckus.

1. All the propaganda, fear tactics, and false logic—from all sides—are killing the conversation.

Enough already!

It doesn’t matter which side of the religious, social, or political spectrum on which we stand, we each have a choice. We can either buy into the rhetoric and demonize “those people” who don’t share our favored philosophy, or we can listen, learn, discover common ground on which to stand, and then engage in constructive conversation.

Even if we have to agree to disagree, isn’t this posture preferable to what we’ve all been experiencing?

The moment we decide to dig a trench, make allies with any like-minded people we can find, and begin to hurl grenades at the other side, all progress ends.

And, as a Christian who understands my role on this earth as an agent of God’s redemptive plan for his creation, I simply cannot choose the satisfaction of merely being right over the unique opportunity to be salt and light to the people around me, people who are all dearly loved by their Creator.

2. Christians must become better at communicating what we’re for than what we’re against.

Pop quiz. You don’t need anyone to remind you what Christians are against. What are we for?

Exactly.

Where are the voices painting a compelling, biblical picture of the Imago Dei, the beautiful, complementary design of men and women, the covenental nature of marriage, the wondrous mysteries of married sex, the high and precious calling of parenting, and the latent redemptive power that the elevation of the institution of marriage would have upon our fractured and desperate culture?

As a Christian, I am convinced we need to change the narrative. We must tell such an evocative story—and live such a faithful example of that story—that we earn a hearing in the broader culture. There’s no reason to state what we’re against until we have expressed what we are for.

3. Christians must decide if we’d rather model our actions and words after Jesus or the Pharisees.

It should be no surprise, but Jesus perfectly embodied grace and truth.

Jesus continually courted scandal by his willing association with any and all of the notorious sinners who came across his path. A quick glance at the Gospels makes this abundantly clear. From partying with embezzlers, to touching the diseased, to conversing with adulteresses, Jesus was perpetually in proximity to people who were sinful and lost. This is vital: while Jesus faithfully demonstrated love to each and every one, he never missed an opportunity to challenge them to move beyond their sin and into his plan for them. The love he demonstrated and the truth he communicated, together, were transformative.

On the other hand, Jesus also spent a lot of time with the proper, righteous, upstanding members of his society. And, lest we fool ourselves, Jesus was dead set against allowing them to retain their smug, self-appointed position of religious superiority. He didn’t commend them for being against all the right social ills. He didn’t urge them on in their hypocritical bluster. He didn’t allow them to comfortably get by with the stereotypes they cast on sinners. He didn’t mince words. His judgment was clear.

Christians must make better decisions with regard to our approach. We must look more like Jesus—loving all and speaking God’s truth in love—than the pharisees—failing to see the sin in which they themselves were dwelling as a result of their own ill-conceived attempts to be perceived as morally superior.

4. The Church’s pursuit of political power is an adventure in missing the point.

Too often, it appears as if Christians believe that our hope is that we could change the bad laws, get the right politicians in office, or gain a greater amount political influence. That becomes all too clear in the midst of the RFRA ruckus that took place in Indiana this March.

Let’s just be clear on this point: the right politicians, in the right offices, creating the right laws is not the hope of the world.

The hope of the world is the Gospel of Jesus: the message that God became human, entered into the muck and mire of this sinful world, took on the worst it had to offer, and triumphed over sin and death. And, in so doing, he paved the way for all of us to be reunited with our Creator.

That is the hope of the world.

Where do we go from here?

If you’re a Christian and you’re reading this blog, I hope that you understand that the onus is on us. It’s up to us to form genuine, redemptive relationships with the very people we’re so quick to demonize. It’s up to us and our churches to hold high the transformative truth of the Gospel. It’s up to us to conduct our own lives with so much tangible grace and truth that the world is changed everywhere we go. It’s up to our families to exemplify the kind of faithfulness and love that God intended. And, it’s up to us to rely on prayer and the Holy Spirit—not any secular, para-church, or political institution—to produce the kind of heaven-on-earth world in which all of humanity would flourish.

Perfect Parenting

perfect-parents

Parenting is frustrating!

As soon as you think you have your kid figured out, he changes! You just begin to learn the rules and settle into a rhythm. You get into the groove. Everybody’s happy. We’re all getting along. Then, without warning, he changes everything up on you.

Rascal!

What to do? As a parent, I strive to be perfect. But, I fail regularly. I know I do. I’m aiming for perfect parenting. But, I’m all too often reminded that this type of perfection is simply unattainable. This truth was swimming around in my head the other night when I stumbled across a thought that encouraged me.

Now, on a regular basis, I run into a thought, concept, article, podcast, or book that is so profound, so well-timed, or so creatively presented that I am permanently impacted. And, as many of my good friends know, it is difficult to resist the urge to share. They get stuff from me on a regular basis. The other day, it happened again. I read this fantastic article about perfection and parenting. I want to share it with you because it made a simple, elegant point that has stuck with me.

This is the point:

The only type of perfection that matters in parenting is perfect attendance.

None of us will parent perfectly, even for a day. I certainly can’t. I make mistakes. I blow my lid. I am selfish. I contradict myself. I get distracted. I am an imperfect parent. But, there’s one thing I can do:

Keep. Showing. Up.

I can show up every day, keep coming back for more. I can try, fail, adjust, and try again. Sometimes I’ll strike out. Sometimes, I’ll hit it out of the park. The one thing my son needs to know is that I’m going to be there every morning and that I’m going to try my best to be the type of man, husband, and parent I want him to be one day. I’m going to fail. He’s going to hear me apologize and ask for forgiveness often. But, I’m going to be there.

May we all be the type of parents who—although we may not have it all figured it out—get the award for perfect attendance. 

Doing Life Together

doing-life-together

One of the most amazing things about being a believer is that you never know who’s going to walk into your life and change it forever.

I can think back on dozens of people with whom I’ve been privileged to share a significant season of life. Some of those seasons are significant because of their long duration. Some of them are significant because of their impact. All of them are precious.

We throw around a cliché in the church, “doing life together,” that is shorthand for the type of fellowship and friendship that happens when people live in proximity to one another, sharing life’s joys and sorrows, victories and defeats, ups and downs. Friends who are doing life together take care of one another’s yards. They help with the plumbing. They fix laptops, invest in one another’s children, share meals, talk about dreams and struggles, and share whatever else happens along the way.

A little over two years ago, Brian and Shannon Stopinski − along with their kids: Gillian, Genevieve, Gwendolyn, and Gavin, (and their dog, Laurel, God rest his soul) − moved into the house next door. We did the neighborly thing: baked a tray of muffins and knocked on the door to say hello. They were distracted of course − I think Brian had a plunger and a wrench in his hand − so we didn’t stay long. But, once they got settled a day or two later, they came out to greet us. And, an amazing friendship began. We were blessed to be able to do life together for two years. The time was too short. But, its significance is disproportionate to the amount of time we spent together. They recently moved to pursue an opportunity for their family that was simply too good to pass up. And − oh boy! − do we miss them.

Their move made me think about the absolute treasure godly friendships are and the impact they make on our lives over the years. The Stopinskis − as well as the dozens of other friendships we treasure, you know who you are! − helped us realize a few important things.

Three things I know about Godly friends

Godly friends bring out the best in us.

A true friend is someone who lets you just be you. They appreciate you for it. And, they have a way of knowing when you’re putting up a veil, pretending to be something you aren’t. They prod and provoke you to come out of your shell. They speak truth into your life. They invite you into their adventures and into a bigger story. They give you an opportunity to practice meeting the needs of someone else other than yourself. Godly friends bring out the best in us and, ultimately, make us more like Jesus.

Godly friends bear our burdens.

A good friend is never to busy to see you and hear you. Never too busy to care. They’re available. You know they’re going to pray for you whether you ask for it or not. You can tell them the whole truth without fearing that they’ll walk away or despise you. They know our fears and insecurities and refuse to take advantage. They’ll help you mulch your yard. They’ll lend you their tools. They’ll pay for your dinner when you forget your wallet. They care. They’re present.

Godly friends just make life better.

There is a joy and richness that flows from friendships into all areas of life. Everyone needs the kind of people in their lives that they are excited to see. We all need people whose phone numbers on our caller IDs make us smile and pick up. We need people with whom we can share meals and laugh until our sides hurt or someone spits up root beer, or both. We need people to whom we can tell our silly stories and share our family traditions. Godly friends just make everything richer.

Thanks, Stopinskis, for your friendship. Thanks for welcoming us into your home, for trusting us with your kids, for caring for us, for your prayers, for your laughter, and for all the great memories.

There’s always room at our kitchen table for you when you’re back in town!